When I wrote my review of the second season of Beauty and the Beast, I focused on the nostalgia I felt for an old flame who at one point loved this damned series. I mean, she loved it. I don’t know where she is today, but when we were at our thickest, she was really into Anne McCaffrey fantasy novels, the music of Portishead, and Beauty and the Beast.

She had VHS tapes of all the series’ episodes lying around her apartment, but I never had any inclination to watch them. The photos of Linda Hamilton draped all over her dog-faced love (Ron Perlman) looked like romance novel covers and I simply wanted no part of it.

I wanted nothing to do with the series on DVD, either. If that second season box set provided a lovely, melancholy walk down memory lane (I wonder where she is now?), this Complete Series box set is nothing short of an exercise in TV torture. My one-phrase critical encapsulation of the second season was yikes, and the same goes for this even-longer box set.

Basically, the set-up goes a little something like this. Catherine (Linda Hamilton), a big-shot lawyer and about-town socialite, was kidnapped and beaten up by some thugs at the beginning of season one. She was rescued by a guy named Vincent (Ron Perlman), who looks like the lovechild of Fabio and a lion (I’m not kidding). Of course this New York City attorney and this David Coverdale-lookin’ fellow fall deeply and passionately in love with one another. Alas, not only will their respective worlds forbid their amorous intentions, they really can’t be together; sexual intimacy is a no-no. (Take that, lion boy!)

This second season found our lovers having problems upon problems. Catherine’s legal cases don’t go the way she planned. Vincent has trouble keeping up with various uncouth visitors to his underground lair, referred to as the tunnels. It’s tough times for Catherine and her yeti-like beau. Yet this pales in comparison to the lunacy that the third season of the show brings.

I’m not going to ruin the major narrative change that comes at the beginning of the third season, but if anything, I must admit to being stone-cold shocked at the direction the show took. Yes, the addition of Stephen McHattie as the mean-ass baddie definitely adds some dramatic pull that the lovey-dovey play between the two title characters never facilitate, but the storylines involving that character’s actions are just too wild and completely insane to work. Let’s just say that the third season of Beauty and the Beast succeeds about as much as the last season of The X-Files.

But who am I kidding? My snobbish, pooh-poohing sensibilities aren’t anywhere near the demographic Beauty and the Beast is targeting. I suppose to certain viewers, there is a palpably involving love affair at the center of the show (even if our heroine falls in love with a guy anyone would have trouble bringing home to mom and dad). And the dire consequences that befall our titular duo might even be enough to provide viewers like my ex-girlfriend with a chance to shed a few cathartic tears. But if the basic premise of Beauty and the Beast doesn’t get you going, I can pretty much guarantee that the act of watching this Complete Series box set will inspire you to scream yikes right along with me.  

The Video: How Does The Disc Look?

Beauty and the Beast: The Complete Series gets a typical ‘80s TV-on-DVD video treatment. These 1.33:1 transfers lack the kind of crispness and accurate color representation that have been afforded to more recent television series. Black levels are relatively consistent. There aren’t a ton of artifacts nor is there exceptionally noticeable dirt and grime on the transfer prints, although such flaws do pop up every once in a while. Although not impeccable, these presentations will look as good (perhaps moderately better) than you remember.

The Audio: How Does The Disc Sound?

There is not a lot of breadth to these stereo mixes; they’re basically mono tracks, really. But they serve the show well enough. Dialogue comes across fairly well, and while the show’s groaningly overcooked musical score is not exactly top-notch, it doesn’t mask other elements in the mix. I’ve heard better late-‘80s TV-on-DVD tracks, and I’ve heard worse.

Included are English Closed Captions.

Supplements: What Goodies Are There?

We get a handful of video introductions to some shows by Ron Perlman and Linda Hamilton. I guess that’s better than nothing, but they don’t offer much additional content to diehard fans. There are also previews for other Paramount TV-on-DVD titles (these bonuses are intact from the season-by-season releases of the first two seasons).

The bonus disc in this series-wide set contains more goodies, but it’s really disappointing. We have a series of cheesy love letters read with a husky rasp, as well as an interactive game titled Vincent’s Quest. Mega-fans are bound to be disappointed.

Exclusive DVD-ROM Features: What happens when you pop the disc into your PC?

There are no DVD-ROM features on this DVD.

Final Thoughts

Even fans of the show might be somewhat disappointed by this Complete Series box set. Audio and video qualities are merely fine, but a lack of definitive bonus features is a real bummer (and the interactive game is pretty lame). If you simply can’t live without it, I say give it a whirl (if anything, the packaging is nice). All others might want to pass it by.