DVDFile

Every time a 7th Heaven set comes to my desk, a certain inevitable glee descends upon me. I know I’ll find nothing but fault in it. I know I’ll bemoan the fact that I have to sit through so many hours of a horseshit show. But I’ll be damned if I don’t watch a disc a night for five nights, absolutely blitzkrieging through as much 7th Heaven as I can get my grubby little hands on (seriously - it happens with every season). Perhaps this is the show’s grandest gift to the television world: It proves that TV doesn’t have to be good to be great.

 

Aaron Spelling, of all people, knew this very well. Whether it was the jiggly crime -play of Charlie’s Angels, the teeny-bop love/sex of Beverly Hills 90210 or the Christian conflicts at the center of marvelous, marvelous 7th Heaven, Spelling and his creative teams had an airtight way of keeping viewers interested even if the material was substandard. Charlie’s Angels’ debut season is a perfect example. I have legitimately tried to convince colleagues that there are three or four episodes from that season that constitute some of the best artistic punch that television has ever aired (both Angels in Chains and that season’s roller-derby installments are grandiose achievements of a massive caliber), but nobody buys it.

 

So it’s with mixed emotions that I continue to cozy up to 7th Heaven. Am I bitter that most of the viewing world considers the show to be overcooked tripe? Sure. But you know what? That means more for me.

 

This box set is both decidedly worse and deliciously better than 7th Heaven installments from the past. The basic premise of the show doesn't stray from the norm: Eric Camden (Stephen Collins, a long way from searching for V’Ger in Star Trek: The Motion Picture) and his wife Annie (Catherine Hicks, another Star Trek alum) are spiritual, busy, adoring parents with a brood of kids running around all over the place - and adventure ensues in every episode. And the tractor beam magic of 7th Heaven guarantees that if you find yourself on the show’s wavelength, you’d better be ready to spend some quality time with your boob tube.

 

And what happens in this season? Well, things start off with you Simon (David Gallagher) fessing up to his parents that not only is he sleeping with his new ladyfriend (Rheagan Wallace), but he's on academic probation at school (SCANDAL!). Even worse for Simon - later in this season he has an STD scare - turns out this sailor really makes the rounds! - and his poor sister Mary (Jessica Biel) not only files for divorce, but signs away her kids, to boot (Biel doesn't actually show up in the episode, but her presence is nevertheless felt).

 

See, even typing these plot cycles makes me almost embarrassed to have such a sweet tooth for 7th Heaven, but I suppose the heart wants what it wants. This series is redundant, almost pretentious in its cuteness and showcases very little in terms of being dramatically new or inventive. But I know that at least one person reading this review understands that for certain sensibilities, the show is a nearly irresistible force of nature.

 

Guilty pleasure, thy name is 7th Heaven.