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The original was a horror flick so uneven that only the most stalwart of blood-and-gore devotees would give it the time of day, and this remake (shocker) is a pale shell of its older brother. Long story short: The Stepfather is dull. There is no complication here, no twists nor turns, a complete lack of vision and - most disappointing of all - no real scares. The Stepfather is everything its trailer made it out to be: Predictable, full of pretty people, and dumb as a box of hair.

I won't resort to the 'Why are they remaking so many horror movies?' question, because while not blown away by it, I found Rob Zombie reinterpretation of Halloween II to be intriguing, if deeply flawed. With The Stepfather, though, nothing is risked and nothing is gained. This is a TV-movie-of-the-week with a bit more blood and guts and maybe a handful more tight bikini tops than there ever has been on Murder, She Wrote.

Here comes the labyrinthine plot: David (Dylan Walsh) is a serial killer who preys upon single moms and their children. He has just offed a nice family unit in Utah, and now it's time for him to set up shop in Oregon, where he hooks up with Susan (Sela Ward), and meets her son, Michael (Penn Badgley). Michael tells his girlfriend (Amber Heard) that he fears something is amiss with his mom's new beau, and, well, he turns out to be right. Cue the chasing, screaming, etc.

Horror movies provide a great release even when they're terrible, and while it doesn't house any jump-out-of-your-skin scares, there are moments during The Stepfather that might force your girlfriend to turn her head into your arm and refuse to watch what happens next (ah, horror movies....), but that's pretty much the grandest compliment one can heap onto The Stepfather. I suppose there's an America's Most Wanted Gone Wild-esque thrill to the basic tenets of this story, but even for those who have a sweet tooth for shitty slasher pics may find The Stepfather to be just another boring gore-fest.

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