DVDFile

Universal / 117 Minutes / 2011 / Rated R / Street Date: January 10, 2012

A colleague of mine and I were talking about the new Expendables 2 trailer a week or so ago, and our shared adoration for the film was readily apparent in our enthusiastic conversation. She loved Dolph Lundgren's "hanging a pirate" moment at the movie's beginning, I waxed eloquent about how well Mickey Rourke waxes eloquent while working on Sly's tattoo - it made us both want to watch the movie all over again. But then the discussion turned to Jason Statham.

Not only did this curb the Expendables talk for a moment - it seemed that the very mention of Statham's name left my fellow conversationalist in a state of frozen orgasmic shock. She closed her eyes for a couple seconds and entertained secret images and thoughts of Mr. Jason that were apparently so effective and intoxicating that she had to keep them to herself. I've seen chicks crush out on movie stars, but the mere thought of Jason Statham lent my colleague an air of afterglow - she was literally spent afterward.

Unfortunately for her - and the rest of us - Statham's Killer Elite is one of the dumber, most asinine actioners that Hollywood has mangled in recent years. Sure, if you feel like watching it on mute just to experience Statham moping and being steely serious through every solitary sequence, you'll get your money's worth, but if you're in it for anything other than the candy, this thing's a turkey. The whole "plot" (quotation marks used liberally) about Statham saving his partner (Robert De Niro) from baddies in Oman and a wasted performance from Clive Owen (sporting a lovely porn-star moustache) leave Killer Elite feeling like wasted space.

But thrillers like this one don't have to be sensationally made, I suppose. Sometimes on a Friday night you want to pop a movie in the player that will take you to a foreign country and offer up some marginally-constructed car chases that you can nap through half of: In this regard, Killer Elite is passable. Yet even though my friend will likely be left fanning herself through the thing, anybody expecting more than cookie-cutter spy-flick rehash will find getting through more than half of this thing to be a painful chore.

Watch The Expendables again instead.