G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is G.I. Joe in name alone, and for this writer, that's the greatest sin of this blockbuster. Divorced from the crappy-animated series that so many of us grew up watching (I forgot where my keys were this morning, but I've been singing every word of that show's theme song since 6 a.m.), Stephen Sommers' bombastic stuff-flying-all-over-the-place movie would be passable summer entertainment - the kind of movie you and your buddies would sneak a couple beers into and marginally enjoy.

But movies like G.I. Joe and even Transformers end up disappointing because aside from the occasional sidebar reference to their sources, there is nothing within their narratives that hearkens back even a little to the animated series that bore them. Yeah, the paper-thin storyline about a mad scientist-type (Christopher Eccleston) who develops a terrifying new set of weapons only to have an elite government-dispatched task force go after them sounds like an episode of the show, but I could honestly make the argument that the animated show had more believable writing.

Yeah, the sequence in which Duke (Channing Tatum) and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans) go through the rigors of becoming members of the team is a solid set of scenes - the concept of two guys going to 'G.I. Joe School' makes for a great military actioner setpiece - but while there are fleeting moments of rat-a-tat, explosive inertia to G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra, there's no way around it: It's a poorly-made film. Stephen Sommers fused campy fantasy and action well with his first Mummy movie, so the guy has proven himself adept at making solid (if not exceptionally engaging) popcorn fare, but with The Rise of Cobra, all he gives us is a humdrum, by-the-books blockbuster with none of the Saturday-morning soul of the original series.